dissimilates | INBOX.

[ facing him now, ryuu settles into the way their weights balance on one another, touch for touch. eye for eye, too - kogami's eyes have always been so calm and clear, and ryuu gazes at them for a long moment, listening. his words, too, have weight. ]

I'm less surprised by you than I ought to be, I think...

[ closing his eyes, a gesture of trust, ryuu tips his face to kiss quietly at the heel of kogami's palm. ]

You're a dangerous man.

[ it's thoughtful, not even a shadow of an accusation. ]

To you?

[ kogami raises his brows curiously as he searches his gaze, as if to mine more meaning in his thoughtful words. the kiss is soft on his palm, and kogami can't help a warm pulse of tenderness, of his affection for him.

their limbs tangle all the more, and kogami gently presses his thigh between his legs. ]

[ ryuu shakes his head, something that feels more like a nuzzle, urging kogami's fingers to venture further, to pull him in closer. maybe it's the second selfish request he's had. the easy nestling of muscular thigh between his own toned legs makes his toes curl - he rolls his hips to slot them together, sighing at the intimacy of the new chroma flooding his skin. ]

Not to me. To me, you're safe.

[ his mind and his body are usually one, and right now, they're both yielding, heart already cleaved to this man. ]

I'd never seen that look in your eyes before.

[ and venture further kogami does, pulling him close so that he can press a soft kiss to that mouth, doting on him delicately as he speaks. an arm winding around his waist, his hand slides up underneath his shirt to splay over his spine. ]

And yet, you're not scared.

[ how does he even begin to explain what kind of a man he is? kogami frowns briefly, pressing his forehead to his. ]

I've killed people. A lot of them. Do you know that?

[ his skin flourishes beneath the touch, a supple warmth that moves up his spine alongside kogami's fingers. a touch that feels callused by a lifetime of things that ought to frighten him, and yet - a touch that's so gentle with him that there's no space left for fear. ryuu fills his heart with those things, so the inevitable hurt has meaning. he shakes his head, because he's not scared.

forehead to forehead, ryuu continues to move about kogami, sparking and settling, reaching over him to run his fingers along the nape of his neck. ]

For what reason?

[ a simple question, born from an equally simple desire to just know. ]

[ for what reason, ryuu asks, curious and without a hint of trepidation. ryuu still touches him like he's someone who matters, like he hasn't just admitted to murder, and kogami leans in to meet his eyes, dark and half-haunted, nosing against his cheek. ]

At first, because I was told to. And later -- because I wanted to. Needed to. [ there are no excuses. ryuu is -- the man has never been smudged by death; there's no reason he should now. he regards him cautiously, then exhales a quiet sigh, feeling him sweetly settle around him and waiting -- waiting to see if he will pull away.

not everyone wants killers in their beds. ]

My world -- is not simple.

[ there is a yearning in kogami's blood that ryuu can't reach. ryuu understands that now in its basest form, an outline traced by these same calm words he's gotten to know over the months, timbre dark and compelling, like a shadow burgeoned by the darkness that hides it. and yet he's never been content to settle, or to turn a blind eye. ryuu gazes at him seriously, thoughts turning over in his mind.

fingers that had stilled on the back of his neck begin to move again, rubbing against the short raven strands. ]

Killing isn't something I can accept, as I am.

[ ryuu is stubborn, true to himself. and yet... quietly, he leans up on his elbow, shifting their positions ever so slightly to cradle the back of his head. ]

But my world and your world are two different things. It wouldn't be fair of me to compare them.

[ he tips his face down, lips touching to kogami's brow, his eyelids. forgiveness isn't his to give, but understanding is. ]

Thank you, for coming for me tonight.

[ kogami appreciates the quiet honesty of his words, the way he comes to a thoughtful conclusion -- his own life, the choices he's made thus far is unique only to himself -- he has, of course, made his fair share of mistakes along the way, and he wordlessly urges him onto his back as he moves above him, a hand catching ryuu's, easing it from himself to pin his wrist against the pillow.

kogami is gentle but firm when he settles above him, gunmetal gray eyes piercing in the dimness. here, they're both wide awake, the events of the night imprinted in their minds. not so long ago ryuu had been tied up and beaten but not defeated, and not so long after that he had blazed to life before a crowd intoxicated by his music.

he takes in ryuu's quiet understanding, leaning down so that their noses are brushing against each other. ]

All I thought about was finding you. [ then he shifts a little, a gentle humor seeping into his next words. ] Mochi helped me and Ayer too, you know.

[ that closeness makes ryuu's skin leap in ways he can't even think to control. the coil of kogami's body looming over his, his breath slow and quiet on his face. ryuu's fingers curl slowly, tendons and skin flexing in kogami's palm. there's a very faint upswing in his otherwise calm heart. those eyes had been so formidable in the heat of the chaos - bright in a way ryuu can barely fathom, the thrill of violence like a tang in the air. kogami had been a man in his element.

that taste is no longer there, but ryuu remembers it. eyes that hunted and a grip that has shattered bone, broken skin, and spilled blood now so carefully placed on him. he swallows, feeling his eyes grow warm, and shows his smile.

genuine, as always, though somehow a little sad. ]

I'm grateful, you know. [ lucky beyond words. ] Being just as I am, and having all of you going so far for me.

I could have lost you.

[ one wrong move, or if he turns up just a hair too late, if he'd miscalculated the vagaries of human nature. seeing him right here underneath him, safe and sound, brings relief to him that he's constantly surprised by.

thumb gently lingering in the upward curve of that smile, kogami only leans down to kiss him, tasting his gratitude on his tongue and returning it with his own affection and relief. he's here, and that's all that matters. ]

[ lost him. for a moment, that reality makes him still, makes his expression freeze. ryuu has had to look mortality in the eye so few times that the shock of the experience hasn't quite fully settled in him yet. he's a man who cherishes the everyday, and so being here, just like this, is what he's chosen to cling to to fend off the chill of it. his view might be rosy, clouds all lined in silver - but it's what he knows how to do.

it's only the relief he finds in the kiss that captures his mouth that seems to break him down just a little. expression knitting, he leans into it with flutter of lashes, a slow blink. like he wants to close his eyes and fall under, but also keep looking at him while they kiss, close as he is.

there's a lick of desperation to him when he reaches up to stroke his fingers over kogami's cheek, the sudden surge of chroma over his lack of it making him shiver. ]

[ there it is.

it's impossible for ryuu to stay strong forever, not even for someone as resilient and as optimistic as he is. he can taste it in the way he reaches for him, the knit of his brows. kogami deepens the kiss as he presses him deeper into the pillows, a hand cupping his face and the other reaching down to his hand to intertwine their fingers.

he leans into his touch, feeling that shiver, and how desperately they need to restore their chroma, too. ]

Ryuu -- [ he murmurs softly, because he wants to leave this up to him. whatever ryuu wants, kogami will provide. ] Do you want to go further, or --

[ it's something he's come to learn about kogami, no matter how honest of a man ryuu is. there's almost nothing that can be hidden from him, nothing that can go undetected. even his intimacy bares that facet of him to ryuu, the way his body molds to his and holds him down to the bed. ryuu stretches into him, a drag of solid bodies that upends the order of clothes in one long motion. his answer is there in his skin before it's in his voice. just for a moment longer, he wants to hold onto the depth of that kiss. his fingers squeeze, palm to palm.

breathing him in, his lungs shudder as ryuu releases his lips only to answer against them, voice fever warm: ] Yes...

Kogami. I'm - [ weak ] I've asked a lot of you.

[ he's trying to breath slow, but it's difficult. more than wanting strength, or comfort, or any other one-sided thing he could draw from this, he wants - the humanity. the connection. quietly, he swallows, brushing his nose sweetly against his cheek. ]

[ his gaze is steady in the dark, gunmetal gray and unwavering. it's right there before him, the man behind the magnetic stage persona, the human underneath the veneer, no matter how closely aligned both sides of ryuu are. this is a moment of open vulnerability, a trauma he has to process, and kogami is here to help him through it. ]

You haven't asked for what I wasn't already willing to give.

[ he tells him, reaching down to ease ryuu's briefs off his lean hips, guiding ryuu's hand to rest on his shoulder. ] Tell me what you want.

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