dissimilates | .open post.

[ kogami hasn't actually realised it himself -- that the worst thing you can do is hurt the man he loves; or maybe he has, and it's so much a part of him that it isn't a revelation anymore, that it's there if you know just where to look.

he feels gino's soothing touch, leaning into it and biting back a laugh of incredulity -- how is it that gino's the one getting hurt and assaulted and somehow he's the one comforting him? pathetic, he thinks, with an anger that turns inwards and is no less cutting for it. he catches a strong hold of gino's wrist and says nothing, letting gino sort it out with akane. the not quite there kiss is accepted in silence, too, but his lips find gino's fingertips, soft and gentle, a stark contrast to the brutal way he had just ended the mobster's life.

he follows him, picking up the discarded dominator with his other hand. they will have to let go soon, but kogami doesn't care. stopping before the lifts, he releases his hand only to touch his cheek, thumb gently smoothing over his bottom lip. he's calmer now, settling down; gino has learned how to tame the beast inside kogami, just a little. ]

I'm going to need a new tie.

( he nods off lightly into kogami's hand, full of affection and coming down off the high of rushing endorphins, finding the touch on his lip to be equal parts soothing to stabilizing. he feels tired all of a sudden, and like he's a hundred years old — acting as someone else takes a lot out of you, and gino is grateful for the reality of a warm bed at home for him, even if it's behind lock and key, ever at the beck and call of the police department.

thus is life as an enforcer. the elevator dings to their floor and opens, gino swiftly pulling kogami in as he punches the lobby floor into the keypad. )

You look good without it.

( you look good in everything, is the truth there, tie or no tie. he can't remember the last time kogami did his up right.

still, it only takes a second before gino pulls away from him, undoing his own tie before settling it at kogami's collar. swiftly, but intimately, he ties the knot, redoing his usual unbuttoned buttons, before sliding the knot firmly against his throat. )

Keep that one. We tell the Inspector I killed him.

( technically he did — and it would make more sense, since he didn't have a dominator. answering the question of why didn't you wait for kogami before killing him? is easier to answer than why didn't you use the dominator? )

Gino --

[ kogami understands, instantly and intimately, what gino is doing. he does his tie up with tenderness, proper and intent. he half-frowns, his hands coming to rest on his hips as he pulls him close. he'll take the rap for him, but it doesn't sit well with kogami even if he realises that it's the more sensible way.

kogami allowed his emotions to get the better of him, his heart in gino's hands. the thought of him being in danger, forced to do something he doesn't want to do -- his words still echo in his mind, the promise of violence where gino cannot retaliate, bound to the mission's cause. he grimaces, and presses his forehead to his, not minding just how the knot sits so snugly against his throat.

gino might need a shower to wash off the filth, but kogami would take him either way. they will have to part soon, but not yet. he lets his eyes fix on his, intent and heated. he's winding down from the violence, but he regrets nothing. ]

You don't have to do that.

Actually ... I'm just being selfish.

( he allows a warmer smile to twitch up the corner of his mouth, even if he saves that kind of look for the bedroom and closed doors exclusively. it might even seem shy in the right light, but gino has long since learned not to be afraid of his feelings — knowing all too well what time he wasted living in denial instead. briefly, he flattens a hand on kogami's jacket lapel, thinking how young he looks when he cleans up, a bit. )

It means neither of us will be in questioning tonight.

( gino has learned which rules to bend, and which rules to break. leaning down, he again presses a warm kiss to the corner of kogami's lips, lingering there for a moment before the ding of the elevator rings out, and he pulls himself away, standing beside kogami instead. )

So you can make it up to me then.

( if gino winked, there would be one there. instead, he just gives him a smug look, before heading out into the lobby of the hotel, meeting akane and yayoi, briefly describing the events as he'd like them to know it — the reasoning behind why the man's crime coefficient wasn't checked before his brutal, almost barbaric murder. they're swiftly shuffled back outside, dominators all returned to their stations, the enforcers all lead into the back of the van that takes them back to the bureau. )

[ it feels like an eternity, the whole way back. kogami says nothing, letting gino take the lead when it comes to the questioning. thankfully, there isn't much, because akane sees the same thing gino does; the bruises on his throat, the hickeys. he has been manhandled, treated like a toy, a plaything for sex; but they knew this going in, didn't they, even if foreknowledge is scant comfort in the harsh light.

gino is comforting him, kogami knows this -- but the ride to the bureau feels like an eternity even if the subsequent debrief is cut short. everything else goes past in a blur up until they return to their quarters, kogami following behind like a wolf protective of its mate (the analogy is spot on, really).

he corners him the moment gino's door opens, pushing him inside and slamming the door shut, locking it behind him so that they're afforded at least a measure of privacy; kogami's not returning to his own room tonight. he's loosening the knot of (gino's) tie, the frown he'd been wearing not abating. ]

Where else are you hurt?

I'm not.

( he says this succinctly, directly, automatically winding out of kogami's immediate vicinity and making a move towards the kitchen space to gain a bottle of water. he chugs half of it in one go, throat soothed by it, fingertips clinging to the plastic as he gestures over to kogami, nonchalantly waving.

it's hard to think — an hour ago he almost fucked a criminal. an hour ago, he learned the very stark difference between being kissed by someone who cares for you, and someone who sees you as a hole to be delved into, devoured, destroyed. gino opts not to think about it too hard, or his fingers shake. )

Do you think I'm delicate?

( he says this, tough guy persona and all feigning a certain air of disregard for his own safety, but the irony is that he feels delicate. fragile, vulnerable, brought face to face with the notion that he doesn't want to kiss anyone other that kogami — that he'd sooner bite his tongue off before sticking it in someone else's mouth, that he'd sooner die than allow anyone else to touch him. he feels tarnished, ugly and dirty and full of stains across his body that even a shower can't get out.

he didn't love himself much to begin with, but for the moment he can hardly recognize the man in the mirror, the role he decided to play.

gino shakes his head a moment later, suggesting kogami not answer. instead, )

Do you need a shower? I'm heading there.

[ no, kogami wants to say. not at all, because gino is one of the strongest people he knows, but it's clear he's not interested in the answer. it shows, still, in the furrow of his brows.

something is happening to gino, the events of the night are sinking in, and he doesn't miss how he slips from his hold. the water, as if he's trying to flush the kiss out of his system like something dirty has crawled inside of his lover and has taken up space there.

so kogami stills, watches with quiet concern and working to figure out what's best -- what does he do now? what will keep gino from pushing him away? it's a crucial moment, and he comes over to him, crossing the distance but staying one, two paces away. ]

Yeah.

[ he's needed, even if gino won't admit it to himself -- and from this distance he can sense gino's growing self-loathing. he's unbuttoning his own shirt, before he holds his hand out to him, another overture. ]

Come with me, Gino. Please.

( he hesitates briefly, knowing he is known, that kogami can read him easier than any of his favored books and poems. ultimately, though, he reaches out a softer hand — his human one — to interlace their fingers. )

Yeah. Of course.

( as if he can ever deny kogami anything when he says please.

guiding him into the shower, gino drops his hand once they're in the alcove of the bathroom, swiftly tugging his gloves out of place, the jacket from the height of his shoulders. he strips himself of the rest of his clothes with equal fervor, not turning to face kogami because he doesn't especially want him to see his body, as much as, if not more than he wants to conceal his body from himself. he doesn't linger, efficiently stripping down naked and then helping himself into the rush of the shower, not waiting for kogami to join him before lathering up soap to his neck, chest, shoulders.

anxiety sweat, sex sweat. it's all upsetting to him in different ways, so he has no problem roughly cleaning himself, trying to scrub memories of tonight from his skin, as well as his brain. )

[ kogami takes his time -- nothing about this is sexy, or designed for more romantic overtures. this is them coming to terms with the visceral aftermath of a mission that could have gone wrong. this is gino coming to terms with what he had really agreed to do.

had another man's hands, his mouth, his body on him -- threatened to be fucked, violated, and not even hunting dogs like them can stand for this. he sheds his clothes quickly and comes in after him, a hand lightly touching his hip to prompt gino wordlessly. he's here.

gino is upset, anxious, and kogami's hand rests on his waist while the other gently catches his wrist, the normal one, threading wet fingers through soap slippery ones. ]

Gino.

[ he says quietly, again, fighting his own anxiety, his worry. ] Hey. You're here with me now.

( a sigh leaves his throat. he's long since stopped trying to hide his emotions from kogami — since they're equals again, there's little point to it. but the real issue is learning to stop hiding his emotions from himself, learning how to accept the bad as well as the good as they come to him. he swallows thickly around a lump in his throat, idly skating a soapy thumb across kogami's knuckles, finding something soothing in that hold.

eventually he turns, offering a sadder smile down at kogami. his free hand moves up, cupping his neck, before gino leans down into the crook of his opposing shoulder, gentle lips just barely brushing the thin skin on his throat. )

I'm fine.

( he says, and honestly believes it, moving in closer to bump chests with kogami. he holds onto him, softly. )

I just ... don't want to be with anyone other than you. Ever.

[ gino draws close, yields to him, finally, and kogami wraps an arm around him to hold him, his lips pressing lightly along gino's jawline, his cheek, fulfilling the primal need to comfort the man he loves. his partner.

he can feel it, the way gino tentatively dispenses affection, the brush of his lips and his words makes kogami's heart clench, tight and painful, and he closes his eyes for a long moment, their bodies molded together under the pouring water. his hand slides down the small of his back, possessive, protective.

he doesn't want gino to be with anyone else, either, not even for the mission. ]

Okay. Okay -- [ he says quietly, raising their joined hands up so that he can kiss the back of gino's hand. ] No more. I won't let that happen to you again.

[ he'll do it himself if he has to. ] I'll do it, next time.

( despite the tension of the moment, gino finds himself searing it off with a smile curling up the corner of his mouth, genuine amusement circling up into his eyes. it's very like kogami, to put the world on his shoulder. )

Not the point, but good try.

( he's grinning more vibrantly, the way he never did as an inspector, leaning back to pat kogami's chest warmly. his hand slides up to kogami's cheek, thumb sliding across his jaw as gino looks at him — and for the first time in a long time, actually sees him. he's not the man who has all the answers like everyone thinks. he isn't always successful, or right, or logical.

right now he's just trying to reassure the guy he's ( in loose terms ) dating. something in that is so charming, that kogami is one of the finest detectives this city has ever seen, and yet he can't understand something simple like a relationship.

not like gino is one to talk, really. he's even worse than him. )

I can do whatever needs to get done for a mission. I don't mind.

It just made me learn something, about myself. And you.

[ look, kogami is trying his best -- gino definitely is settling for a loser like him, but kogami is glad that he is. he makes no claims to having everything (or anything, really) together, and the finest detective that he is, he's all too willing to admit that there is much he has to learn in this relationship with gino, the man who's smiling at him like he's the only one that matters.

the man who makes his heart race, for whom he would do anything. he's leaning into his hand warmly, other hand coming to curl over his as he nuzzles into his palm, pressing a kiss to the heart of it while he takes in that open, sweet smile. ]

Yeah? What is it?

You can't unring a bell, Ko.

( once it's out of a his mouth, there's no going back. who can be sure that what he's about to say will be worth it?

but in a similar vein, he can't take back the words from his head now that he's thought them, the realization itself drawing truth to something otherwise unspoken. they're well past the point of no return — they've been there for awhile, probably since all this intimacy started between them so long ago. how frequently does gino find himself looking at kogami's shoulders, always a few steps behind him? he must already know what he's going to say — much less a revelation and more common knowledge for the smarter one between the two of them. )

There was ... a time.

( swallowing a little thickly, his throat clicks, thumb sliding up to corner of kogami's mouth. )

Back there. When — I wasn't sure if you'd come. ( he smiles, sadder. ) Because I'm never sure if you'll come, or if you'll stay, or if you even want to. I thought, I might as well die here. It can't hurt worse than you leaving me behind.

That's all. I thought I had failsafes in line, prepared in case you disappear again — I don't. All I have is you, and most days I'm not sure I even have that much.

[ you can't unring a bell, it's true, and gino goes ahead and tells him anyway -- although to be fair to him, he did give a warning. and what he says, of course, is something that isn't unexpected. kogami is aware of the damage he has done to gino, to their relationship when he chose to walk away.

still, it hurts to hear him say it -- not for his own sake, but for gino, where the people he loves leave him, one by one. can he be blamed? kogami is silent for a long moment, because he's not wrong to doubt him, because kogami has broken the trust between them, and all he can do is pull him into his arms, pressing his nose into his neck.

how those words hurt, to know that the man he loves bears it constantly, quietly. ]

You have me. [ for better or worse. the words catch a little in his throat, burning with promises he can't make. ] Gino, you have me.

( he envelopes kogami immediately, water warmed hands palming flat on his smooth back, enjoying the feeling having him here and nearby. it's a little rotten, prolonging this guilt that he has with issues of his own that he can't seem to get over — he's confident kogami didn't leave because he wanted to hurt him, confident he didn't even think about him fleetingly as he left, which is a different pain altogether. where his insecurities stem from, how easily he was able to cut those ties like they meant nothing. to be fair, gino wasn't exactly a good friend to him before then — and he's not without his own mistakes, his own wrongdoings, the things he wishes he could go back and change. all the time he wasted following a system he never truly believed in.

maybe making kogami feel guilty is just how he keeps his scrutinizing gaze from falling on himself. old habits never really die. )

Yeah. That's why you killed that criminal, right?

( as sibyl isn't a valid answer for it — it must've just been his emotions, his love, written there in the bulging eyeballs of a stranger. you'd only kill for someone you really care about, wouldn't you?

gino plants a kiss on kogami's shoulder before leaning back, shutting off the water. he didn't need a thorough wash, just something to make him feel cleaner, although this conversation served a better purpose than the water had. amusement in his voice, gino opens the shower back, reaching for a towel to dry his hair on. )

Call me romantic, but I would've settled for marriage, or children, or something like that. Something ... normal.

[ ... yes, well. kogami does like it when gino clings to him so selfishly, so willful even now -- but that's what he loves about him still, right? through all their ups and downs (and they had so many, many downs), they had somehow endured against the odds, but not without being bruised and bleeding.

he feels bereft of warmth when he leans back and pulls away, saying nothing to the observation about how kogami's dispatched the mafia leader without any need for sibyl (they don't need the system, they should never have had it).

he follows after him, reaching for his own towel and drying off before he takes his hand and leads him to bed, overtaking him swiftly. ]

Marriage and children?

[ this is a new one. no matter kogami's feelings for him, or how much he knows he loves him, this one comes as a surprise. then again -- is it really shocking, when he's suspected that about his lover all along? gino has never really had a proper family; and it's not unexpected that he would crave for one of his own. ]

( gino huffs somewhat at the question, amusement in his throat. a trained eye might note it is — flustered. )

You have a talent for always picking up on what I don't want you to read into.

( still, he goes, laying himself out on the bed as his longer hair pools out on the pillow below, lifting a bent knee up to frame kogami as he pulls the man on top of him. his hands sweep upwards, scratching gently at the nape of kogami's neck as he tugs him inwards, breathing a mirthless laugh. )

Yeah. I thought I'd have a family, when I was younger. I thought a lot of things would be different.

( and somehow ... it was always a family with kogami, too. he never envisioned himself with anyone else, even when he was younger, even when they grew apart in the police force. it might be childish, or foolhardy. but attraction always stems from trust, and the only person he's ever truly trusted ... well, it's the only man who ever proved himself worthy of it. the only man who ever stood up for him when he had nothing to gain, just because he believed in fairness and good will among men.

kogami. )

It's silly, now.

[ gino is absolutely adorable when flustered -- and kogami is proud of the fact that he's the only one who gets to see it underneath the amusement, like a precious secret waiting to be unearthed. but gino is a precious secret; the warmth and beauty of him, the way he so effortlessly holds so much of kogami's wild, wild heart.

he's following after him, pinning him down to the bed with his limbs, leaning down to press soft kisses to his neck in the guise of buying time, of framing his answer. it has never been a surprise to kogami that he's wanted a family, and in this moment, thinking about it, kogami is surprised that he isn't wholly opposed if it's gino he could do it with. ]

It's not.

[ he says finally, because if there's anything throttling a mafia boss to death this evening has taught him, it's that gino matters; he matters much more than kogami had previously thought. reaching down to brush his hair off his face, he looks down into striking green eyes, pensive. ]

Do you still want it now? With me?

( lean hands, one human and one metal, palm up the thin landscape of kogami's waistline, warm on one side and icy on the other. it's not — really the response he expected, grassy eyes opened just a little wider at the line of questioning, at kogami's interest in ... domesticity. gino can't even convince himself he's asking for posterity's sake, or because there'll be a long lecture at the end of this particular revelation. kogami is capable of being terrible, but more often he's just kind, naturally curious, passionate.

so his fingers play a brief tap tap on him like playing the piano, briefly in thought. not that he really has to think about the answer, but whether he's going to lie or not is something that still doesn't come too naturally to him. swallowing something bitter down his throat, he just gives a small nod, eyes flickering from focusing on either of kogami's. )

I never imagined it with anyone but you.

Edited 2019-12-15 15:04 (UTC)

[ gino's assessment is right: he didn't ask about it just because -- nor is it a lead in to some long lecture. for one, kogami doesn't do long lectures; for another, he cares far too much for gino to disregard his thoughts and feelings.

he just isn't sure how good he is with domesticity, how good he is at not letting gino down because there's a pattern of behaviour that predicts otherwise, despite best intentions. he feels the cold and warm hands on him, and when gino doesn't look at him, he understands.

he doesn't say anything after that, only leans down to seek out his lips to kiss him, once then again, his hand sliding down to close around his cock, stroking firmly.

he doesn't do great with talking -- not for subjects like these. let him just do this right now, gino. ]

( it's a hard won victory, having kogami in his arms. his body is still littered with the evidence of another man at his throat, but he was lucky enough to be saved from anything more sinister — grief got washed away down the shower drain, and now they're just empty hickeys on his neck, soon to be covered with different memories and better thoughts that kogami provides him.

grateful in part to have his mouth stolen away from him, gino doesn't have any problem kissing him back, human fingers digging sharply into his side while he forcibly removes his other one, not trusting himself or the metal to be kind on kogami's skin. that's not to say kogami is delicate, or even breakable, but a black and blue bruise in the shape of a handprint is only too telling of gino's apparent lack of control when it comes to the other man.

almost purring against him, gino rocks his hips up to meet that wandering palm, famished now more than ever for the touch of another person — someone kind and careful, but not too stifling with love. someone gino can cling to and beg at and pray for, without suffocating under his own desperate need. someone like kogami, here and gone but still always here somehow, in this small compartment of gino's heart he keeps him locked away inside. )

[ kogami starts with those hollow bruises with he breaks the kiss, wet with shared saliva as his mouth finds and sucks vicious lovebites into the bruises. he's claiming it all when gino leans so sweetly into him.

theirs is a strange and enduring love, through high school, through demotions and the like, and his hands roam over his body, possessive and loving in equal measure. gino has always been here for him even if it was just his rage and anger sometimes -- and kogami never stopped loving him even if sometimes it seemed it did, as if the chase had swallowed up all of kogami's other abilities to love.

when his lover purrs now, kogami makes quick work, slicking himself up before pushing his cock into him, thrusting deep but slow -- gino can take him without too much trouble now, and he gathers him tight, face buried in the latest bruise he's reclaiming. ]

...I love you, you know.

( it's easy to lose himself in the motions, the job tonight slipping further and further from his mind until all he has the capacity to even think about is kogami, his clever hands and cleverer tongue, playing him like an instrument he has all but mastered. eventually, he stops worrying so much about being seen, about being known as thoroughly as kogami can read him. eventually, it's all about feeling, about laying down with the one he calls mate and letting him take him apart.

the words, though. embraced and warm as he is, legs wrapped around kogami's waist so fucking him hard is temporarily out of the question, he still winds a hand up to kogami's hair, motions feeling like they go slower than usual, like dragged through fog. he pants, face flushed, eyes a little too red before his hand fists in kogami's soft, fluffy hair, yanking him back so they can look at each other.

his expression isn't upset. it's more or less just — flustered, lip anxiously bitten in the flutter of his heart. )

You've, ah, um. You've — never said that, before.

( flickering green eyes find it hard to focus on any one part of him — his mouth or his eyes or his body, cycling between all of them again and again. something tightens in his gut all of a suddenly, this odd feeling that is certainly off cycle, before a fresh wave of wet comes crashing out on kogami's cock, the scent of gino's unpredicted heat swiftly filling the air between them. his pants suddenly become erratic, loud and necessary and uncaring. )

You — mean it?

[ he hasn't? that gino knows this better than kogami himself does speaks volumes, and for a moment he feels a twinge of shame. gino has always been faithful, has always been his, even when kogami charged ahead without him, forgetting that there is one who loves him, no matter how it hurts.

he's gentle, slow when he buries himself inside the slippery wet heat of his mate's body, the clutch of him making his breath catch. he's already this wet and ready for him?

he looks back at him when he's yanked back, meeting beautiful green eyes as he shifts his hips against him. once, again, and he feels that pulse of wetness, how ready he is to be mated. ]

I mean it.

[ he breathes, low and quiet and full of promise and apology. he's sorry he's such a terrible lover. he sniffs the air, ripe with his heat, and he blinks, surprised. ]

Gino, are you --

( his cycle is usually well predictable, and after this rush passes he'll certainly be embarrassed about the nature of it this time, but — for right now, he just shudders around kogami's cock, slick and tight and almost burning in his heat, eyes screwed shut as a blush covers him from cheeks to chest. he pants wildly, overdone by emotions, legs tightening at kogami's sides to pull him in closer, deeper, in far enough to touch the fraying nerve endings of gino's resolve.

he thought he did so well, keeping some distance between them. some nonchalance, in case things went up in flame again. yet — all it takes is some small acknowledgment from kogami, some tiny impart of affection, and gino's body responds like this. )

I — ah!

( palming his head back down, gino kisses him, sloppy and wet and hungry, body almost shuddering underneath him. at the pull away, he tosses his head back, moaning while his hips swivel and shake, body clenching around his cock to keep him inside, mating him, breeding him. )

I love you.

[ there's nothing to be ashamed about, as far as kogami's concerned. they're compatible, destined to be mated with each other, and as he feels gino shudder and clenching tight around him, kogami groans softly. ]

Let me move inside you.

[ he murmurs against his lips as he kisses him, again and again, warmed by how he says 'i love you' with so much passion, so much heat that it makes him ache. gods, but he is so ultimately beautiful that kogami loves him all the more for it.

whatever comes after, they can sort it out, right? his hand comes to curl around gino's dick, too, as he starts to slowly thrust into him. ]

Mmmngh. Gino...

( he lessens the pull at that, easing his muscles into relaxing, convincing himself that whatever fear might always linger in the back of his mind, kogami isn't going anywhere. he loves him. wants to be with him, no matter how much grief he's put kogami through, no matter how destined they are to always be on opposite sides of a coin, always trying to be right. maybe, for the first time since his dad died, gino actually feels something like hope nestled down in the far reaches of his heart he thought cold and dead. optimism. maybe love can solve more things than he ever gave it credit for.

he leans back, fingernails digging into kogami's shoulders because he's ravenous at the worst times, somehow needier even after being given what he wants. there's a quake to his shoulders once his dick gets tugged at — almost automatically a hand reaches up, grabbing a fistful of kogami's hair at the front and tugging him roughly up, so they can make eye contact. )

You come first.

( maybe this one likes coming around his knot, who's to say? )

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